February 2012
1 post
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
What I yearn for is to feel needed again.
Nothing else will sustain me.
January 2012
1 post
2 tags
When I Heard the Learn'd Astronomer
When I heard the learn’d astronomer;
When the proofs, the figures, were ranged in columns before me;
When I was shown the charts and the diagrams, to add, divide, and measure them;
When I, sitting, heard the astronomer, where he lectured with much applause in the lecture-room;
How soon, unaccountable, I became tired and sick;
Till rising and gliding out, I wander’d off by myself,
...
Last Year In My Rearview Mirror.
The Positives:
I finally got accepted into medical school. This is a dream that has taken what feels like forever to come true. I started in July, and completed my first semester in mid-december.
The Negatives:
I had my heart completely ripped out of my chest roughly two weeks after being accepted into said medical school. A three year relationship, dismantled right before my eyes, just...
December 2011
4 posts
Nerves
twitching in the sheets - to face the sunlight again, that’s clearly trouble. I like the city better when the neon lights are going and the nudies dance on top of the bar to the mauling music. I’m under this sheet thinking. my nerves are hampered by history - the most memorable concern of mankind is the guts it takes to face the sunlight again. love begins at the meeting of two...
“because there is nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop...”
November 2011
11 posts
160 Days
Maybe someday I’ll look back at this note and realize how wrong I was, but how terribly sad and frightening to think if thats not the case.
Its been 5 months and 7 days. Or 22 weeks. Or 160 days. Possibly 3840 hours. I’ve never been good at math, but surprisingly I always get this one right. Somedays hurt more than others. The frequency of complete and total shambles was a little...
“I will remember your small room, the feel of you, the light in the window, your...”
– Charles Bukowski
LYTRO →
this blows my mind and i have to have it.
October 2011
2 posts
September 2011
1 post
August 2011
1 post
how is your heart?
during my worst times on the park benches in the jails or living with whores I always had this certain contentment- I wouldn’t call it happiness- it was more of an inner balance that settled for whatever was occuring and it helped in the factories and when relationships went wrong with the girls. it helped through the wars and the hangovers the backalley fights the hospitals. to awaken in a...
July 2011
2 posts
alone with everybody
the flesh covers the bone and they put a mind in there and sometimes a soul, and the women break vases against the walls and the men drink too much and nobody finds the one but keep looking crawling in and out of beds. flesh covers the bone and the flesh searches for more than flesh. there’s no chance at all: we are all trapped by a singular fate. nobody ever finds ...
June 2011
2 posts
I wonder if I'll ever recover.
I wish I could tell you more, but I just don’t know how.
April 2011
1 post
no chance against gravity.
its that feeling of anxiety the night before…
you know, when you don’t know what to expect tomorrow.
where all you do is wrap yourself in worry,
destroy yourself for no real reason.
then the day comes and goes, as promised by the sun.
and you’re fine. no scars or bruises.
you begin to think: “it wasn’t that bad after all, right?”
you think.
…
...
February 2011
2 posts
lost
it only took me about 4-5 hours to realize that my phone is missing. initially, i didn’t panic. i misplace my phone all the time. most typically, i’ll forget it in my car, or one of my pant pockets, but such wasn’t the case tonight. empty car, empty pockets. empty bedroom, empty apartment.
oh shit.
fortunately, my faith in humanity has been restored. i called my phone from...
January 2011
1 post
August 2010
4 posts
5 tags
July 2010
2 posts
June 2010
2 posts
“you’re like a bull in a china shop.”
4 tags
November 2009
5 posts
“there are babies with guns beheading their friends in shopping malls around the...”
– say anything - “mara and me”
October 2009
12 posts
this is a hilarious voicemail my buddy kevin left...